Belonging

It has strong heartfelt connotations.

All of us desire it. We sacrifice to attain it, sometimes even trading our lives.

It comes with a decision.

In return we get cards, patches, decals, tattoos, acceptance, a place to fit in.

When we attain it, we get a feeling of being larger than ourselves, of feeling like we are not alone, of being one with another human or being part of a group, a team, a second family.

Couples, families have a strong sense of belonging, even severely dysfunctional and abusive families. (Is it hope that keeps this kind of belonging alive, or fear?)

I get a certain sense of belonging when I blog and get response to words that I have written. I feel a part of something, and it feels good.

I think we are meant to belong to each other. It's normal to innately know this and to innately crave it. As believers in Christ we are one and our deep desire is to see this oneness lived out. Jesus' last prayer before he was crucified wasn't to feed the hungry, heal the sick, or for world evangelism—it was that we would be one as He and the Father are one. (He knew we would have unconquerable power to change the world as one, and by no other means.)

But...what does it look like to put this belonging to a group or person above all else?

We don't make waves, don't question, we play it safe and overlook serious offenses to others and ourselves in the name of "peace." We are afraid of jeopardizing our position, and maybe with that our house, friends and what we think is our security. We don't hold leaders accountable. Our inner warrior becomes our inner jellyfish.

Maybe when we crave above all else to belong to any person or group, no matter how noble the pursuit, no matter how the end justifies the means, we find ourselves allowing this entity to become the god of our lives? Do we find ourselves no longer living by revelation from Christ, but from the revelation of the group and it's leaders, trusting only in their lead?

What do you think? Where has belonging become dangerous?

What does belonging to Jesus look like?

Learning Healing

I read a news piece about a man who recently regained his sight.

Made me think about the people that Jesus healed, in that they may have been made whole, but had to learn how to incorporate the healing into their everyday lives. The man who recently regained his sight (he lost it at three years) had to learn again what things were and how to relate to simple everyday occurrences as one who can see—no simple task, come to find out. The brain has to learn everything again, literally through new eyes.

When Jesus made the blind see again, I somehow do not think they knew how to totally function. They were healed and whole, but had some work to do. I have read the analogy of this like one walking out of a labyrinth, imagery that speaks volumes.

Coming out from a very controlling and abusive religious situation I realize that re-programming (learning to see and respond to people and normal circumstances) will take some time.

Although much of the wounds are gone over lost relationships and severed trust, I know these scars will mark my life. But, then I think of another who is marked by the scars man has given Him, and I am humbled at the price He paid, "for the joy set before Him."

A Friend Indeed

I lost a good friend about two years ago.

Not only did we work together every day, we were neighbors. Our families would watch movies together, sing around the piano and even pray together. We celebrated over the birth of my daughter and wept over the loss of her mother. We were as close as brother and sister for about six years.

It wasn't by death that I lost her, but by the silence that comes from a belief that it was wrong for me to question the spiritual authority of the religious group our families were a part of—a group whose leaders had spiritually and emotionally abused our family—in the name of reaching the lost with the love of Christ. A leadership that I had to stand up against.

Many people who were a part of this organization visited us, called us, and helped us process and move forward, shared with us their stories, and to our surprise we found that we were not alone. Many families left the org soon after we were dismissed, and there has been a steady flow ever since of people who wake up to the fact that they are needlessly suffering for the Gospel and that all leadership has to have accountability.

Through all this, my friend has chosen to remain silent, which has left a large hole in my heart that has been difficult to ignore, but slow for me to come to terms with.

So what has happened to me as I have carried this wound? I have had to learn to trust again, but it has been a very gradual process. I have learned that I can only have responsible relationships with responsible people. I am also convinced now that loving someone cannot come without risk of pain, and the closer someone is, the more it hurts when the silence comes.

What else happened? God convinced me He knows who you need in your life to help your heart heal, and pull you out of the ashes.

Over the last year, I have made this kind of friend. She has helped me to laugh with my soul and truly has helped pull me from the muck and distrust I have carried around for too long. She has helped me to think a lot about my family because of how interconnected she is with her own, and has helped me to hunger for heaven because of the sense of justice she owns in standing up for herself and what she believes in. She's not afraid to ask questions, to be herself.

There is a verse that says, "He who waters will himself be watered." Other translations say "he that refreshes "—nonetheless I used to think this meant that if you are a nice and giving person then one day people will be nice and giving to you. Well, we do reap what we sow, but I think this verse has an immediacy to it as in when you refresh someone—you are refreshed at the same time.

This is my hope (and God's promise) for my friend. If you ever read this, thank you! Be well watered!

"Fours"

I was "tagged" by Laura on Seedlings to this list of fours, so here goes:

Four places I have lived:
Illinois
California
Texas
Wisconsin

Four jobs I have had:
Rodeo Clown/Notary Public (okay, I made this one up)
Editorial Illustrator
Canoeing Instructor
Art Director

Four films I watch over and over:
Last of the Mohicans
Kung Pow
Gladiator
Blackhawk Down

Four favorite foods:
Watermelon
Pot-stickers
Oatmeal raisin bars (with frosting)
Any meal shared with friends

Four favorite TV shows:
Sunday Morning on CBS
Alias (now on DVD)
Lost
This Old House

Four places I'd rather be now:
Giving my wife a foot massage
Watching my son play football
Glacier Point, Yosemite National Park
In a hot-tub with friends

Delight

I watch them when they are not looking and sometimes when they are. My eyes find it hard to release the fixation. Whether it is an "ordinary" thing they are doing or something extraordinary my eyes soak them in like a dry sponge, especially when they are sleeping.

I delight in them.

Dropping them off one by one at their schools, I get a quick "love you" from my 14-year old while he glances at himself in the reflection of the truck window before slinging his backpack over his 6' 1'" frame. As he walks to the front doors I pray for him to be a light to his classmates. It's his first year in this school and in this town, but he has done well and I am proud of his determination and of his kindness. He amazed me two months ago by agreeing to go to a turnabout dance with a girl who has some special needs. Blew me away. He told me later he couldn't believe how the other girls were impressed by this—maybe it was a glimpse for them into his heart. It was for me, and I thought I knew him.

(I ran bleachers with him tonight after his track meet and heard about his friends and what he is thinking of doing this summer to get prepared for football. It was good to just be with him on his terms. We also ran some 50's and 100's together and I officially can no longer stay with him past 60 meters. I knew the day would come, but not so soon.)

My kindergardener and I are the first to arrive at the elementary school. Soon moms and dads roll up in the minis and SUVs. I am surprised at how many pajama bottoms I see poking out of the winter coats.

We unbuckle and talk for a while until a friend arrives and I walk her toward the doors. Looking around I see a lot of parents holding little hands and notice all of the backpacks look way too big. When we get to the doors she makes two attempts to give me a kiss in front of her friend and a quick hug. I make sure her coat is zipped and backpack is okay before whispering into her ear "I love you." I can feel the moisture start to form on my eyes as I turn to go. Then experience an odd sense that life, learning isn't supposed to be this way even though it is and wish she could just hang out with me for the day. As I walk back to my truck I pray for her protection, abundant creativity and for her to be a joyful soul.

When I see her at home after our days are done I always ask her the same three questions: Did you make any friends? Did you foofer in class? Did you hit anyone? (She laughs every time.)

I know the day is fast approaching this year when winter will undress and spring will clothe this rural college town. My bike will come out of hibernation and mom will make these morning drops. So today, I soak it all in and feel the delight of them being my children and of the wonder I find in being their dad.

On Growth

Man's mind and spirit grow with the space in which they are allowed to operate. —Krafft A. Ehricke, rocket pioneer

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the one who will win.—Roger Bannister

Don't be afraid; just believe. —Jesus

In our dreams we are able to fly . . . and that is a remembering of how we were meant to be. —Madeleine L'Engle,

The sea is dangerous and its storms terrible, but these obstacles have never been sufficient reason to remain ashore. . . . Unlike the mediocre, intrepid spirits seek victory over those things that seem impossible. . . . It is with an iron will that they embark on the most daring of all endeavors. . . . to meet the shadowy future without fear and conquer the unknown.
—Unknown

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly. —Patrick Overton

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.— Isaiah 43:18-19.

Heart for Hurting People

I saw a website today about how a ministry "has a real heart for hurting people."

Hmmmm.

I want to hurt people too sometimes, but I didn't know THAT could be a ministry!

Have I found my true calling?