With a sheepish little grin, my daughter walked into the kitchen and handed me two tiny candy hearts. You know, the ones where the words are almost never centered, the ones hard enough to break the tooth of a Pitbull?
On one heart was stamped the word, "TO," on the other was the word was,"DREAM." As I looked down at them cupped in my hand, I realized this is something that I haven't done in a long time.
The last few years have been hard, and admittedly, I have been in quasi-survival mode, making a living and coping with my job, my coworkers, trying to find my voice again—recognize my own laugh. My tears have been all too a familiar taste in my mouth.
This is why Friday was a great day. I was asked to lunch with the creative director of a local firm—to dream.
I have been praying and searching for a new place to hang my hat, and amazed this person sought me out. She said that she showed my work around and the consensus was, "we have to have him!" "So," she said, "here I am asking if you will consider joining us." I was stunned. Amazed. This woman who was sitting across from me has won more awards for her design than sequels to Rocky, and I would get to work alongside of her. Am I dreaming?
My current position, although very challenging, has been difficult to enjoy. Through some very strange re-structuring, my work load has increased dramatically. And, a person I have to work closely with has a personality I have found very difficult to be around for most of my waking hours.
Deadlines have also been an issue. My copy is always late and my margin to create in very small for a monthly rag. This seems to be an ingrained problem that I have tried to address, but it seems those in question feel they are above questioning, above scrutiny.
Although I get apologies for the lateness and recognition for always making my final deadlines, it comes with a price of many extra hours the last week before press. I have enabled this behavior by not taking a strong stance, but I feel like I have had no one to turn to, and I fear pressing the subject further would very much risk my job.
Company wide, there has been so much posturing that many creatives have left because their voice was smothered, their gifts unused. My friend, the one who was now asking me to join her company, was one of them.
What I have learned:
1. to work with difficult people, and pray for them
2. I can meet impossible deadlines
3. 45 minutes of heavy lifting at lunch works wonders
4. I can only have responsible relationships with responsible people
5. God sees me and is for me
6. Seeds of hard work and kindness I sow now will reap opportunities later
7. Holding those over me to be accountable is difficult—something I need to learn how to do
8. I have a choice where I want be
So, here I am with a great offer on the table, my head spinning, my heart thanking the Lord—my dreams about to become reality.
18 comments:
thanking God with you...
Good thoughts here, 23 degrees. I particularly like your list in the end, but it's just as good to hear your story.
May the Lord keep giving you a good sense of where to go or the direction to be heading, and wisdom in all of that and in all of your life.
hey 23...thanks for visiting my place and leaving your signature there. i've loved your contribution over at kirsten and christianne's blogs. this opportunity sounds so great. hope all those open doors lead to something wonderful. blessings to you.
23 Degrees: WOW. Did I already say, wow??
There is so much here to sift through, & I think I feel you on the dreaming bit. I never dreamed that what Christianne & I shared was possible. Now here I am, basking in the very palpable reality of it.
I am excited to hear of your new opportunity and sincerely hope your deep & great gifts will be used to their fullest, that you will be stretched, & that the lessons you've learned will stay with you as you move forward.
Keep dreaming, dear friend. Blessings to you & your family.
:o),
kirsten
LM, I think what didn't come across is that although the time where I am has been tough, really tough sometimes, I am completely thankful for the chance to be where I am, and the lessons learned. It has been a real part of my healing process and I feel it has helped me to focus, to think and to cling to His promises. A real answer to prayer.
Ted—hey brother, I appreciate your words and I echo your prayer for me, thank you. Thanks for listening, too.
Terri, thanks for your visit and your blessing. I have enjoyed reading your insighful comments as well, and was blessed to read more about your boys and see photos of your family on your blog.
Kirsten, I thought I smelled burning hair. :) After re-reading my post, I feel I focused a lot on what was troubling me, and not a lot on what has been completely a blessing, like the relationships I have and the beautiful people I have gotten to know in my department and throughout the company, and the skills I have learned. I could write volumes on this. I guess my point was to think through logically why I am unhappy and am looking for change.
What's interesting is that work in general, is better here the last few months than ever. So I feel that my move would not be a fearful recoiling, but a move into growth and to work where there is a deeper sense of respect, professionally and relationally, a chance to become more "me."
Thanks for dropping by.
23 Degrees, I have to confess that I read this post before it went public. At least, I think that's what happened. It showed up on my Bloglines subscription, but when I clicked over to your blog, it was not there. I have the ability to read posts right within Bloglines, though, so I was able to read the text there before its official unveiling. And I have to say, I was SO THRILLED FOR YOU!
I love the way you told this story, starting out with the candy hearts (and hey, they may take a pitbull to gnaw through them, but I've got pretty strong teeth -- those candy hearts are my favorite Valentine's candy!) and then moving into how God brought a dream to your doorstep. The lines about learning to recognize your own laugh and your tears becoming an all too familiar taste in your mouth about killed me. I felt my heart breaking wide open for you and your struggle in this past year, even though I haven't know you all the way through it.
This is just so, so great. It's the kind of thing you dream about happening to you! Whoa, I just wrote that line without remembering that "dreaming" was the whole point of this post. So, yes. There it is. I dream about that kind of scenario happening to me all the time . . . and that's because our own minds can only go so far. Just last night I was having such a hard time with this exact thing, telling Kirk that I really can't see the next step and wishing it would just knock on my door or take me out to lunch. Just this past few days, he was feeling the same way about his own journey. Both of us wondering where the dream becomes reality, and how to find it. It gave me such joy to hear it had happened to you, when it is so, so rare.
So, are you going to take it?? That is the one question I still had lingering in my mind when I finished reading this post. Reading between the lines, I could say that you will so definitely take it. But then again, maybe you're still pondering, still holding on to the wonder of it for now, still sitting with it, and letting it sit with you.
Hooray for you, and Yea God!!
I hope you don't mind, but I tagged ya!
I'm smiling.
Christianne, you are very gracious and amazingly kind. Thank you for reaching out through these simple blog pages and allowing yourself to share the burden of my pain—and entering into my excitement. It means a lot.
This job, if I decide to accept, brings so much with it. I am very excited and am meeting the owner and checking out the digs next week. I am still spinning. I like my head when it spins.
Craver, thanks bro...I would play tag but have a Friday deadline, and I couldn't move a mountain without a bad neck sprain (see below)
Laura, thanks for stopping—and smiling. Blessings to you.
To all: I injured myself yesterday lifting weights and have been on medication and lots of ice last night and all of today (missing work) and just having a tough time stringing words together here. Could use your prayers for this week. Sorry my responses are so short!
prayers going up as i type. take care of yourself.
oh! i'm so sorry to hear that, 23! praying for you right now, too.
and i, too, stopped by to say that i tagged you for a literary meme . . . but certainly leave it be, given your circumstances!
take care of yourself.
Terri & Christianne, thanks for your prayers, the day is over and I did okay, I think.
See? I knew there was good reason to avoid exercise.
Hope you feel better!
Looking forward to hearing what transpires, how all this unfolds ...
love & peace to you,
kirsten
LM, I heard that Winston Churchill said that he got his exercise by serving as pall-bearer for his many friends who exercised all their lives.
I was hoping to compete this spring, (powerlifting) so I am glad this happened now to show me a weakness I have to work on. (half-full)
Kirsten, I am stoked and am still so amazed. Feels good to be recognized and called out. I'll keep you updated.
I can really identify with the posturing thing. It's where praying for someone else can be so difficult. You really do have to die to self, without being a doormat. Boundaries are good, I'm learning. Slowly!
I also believe, though, that the trials we go through are training grounds for our next step in our journey. It looks like you have been through some trials, but have come through the other side much wiser and knowledgeable than before! My prayer is that you will be able to use this knowledge and wisdom for bigger and better things.
Blessings, and I'll be waiting to hear the rest of the story!
wow. that is good you have a choice. things will heat up to above freeZing very soon. have the patience and heart to do the right thing real soon. May He bless you with the right mind. I have a blog for inspiration at www.scottrdavis.blogspot.com
hope it helps and is a blessing.
davis_scott_r@sbcglobal.net
Stacy, sorry for the delay in responding. Although counter-intuitive, I found that as I pray for the person who has been very difficult to be around, my heart changes, and I believe there have been changes in the person as well. I am glad our Savior set the example in this. I appreciate your thoughts here, my friend.
Scott, welcome! Thanks for stopping in and for your comments. The right mind...yes, may it be so.
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