Today, as I was running on the treadmill at the "Y", it came over me again—and I asked the Lord why. For weeks I have had to walk step by step, moment by moment through this darkness, not allowing myself to run away or be paralyzed.
Sometimes my fears are larger than I can believe, and I think to myself, "I have stood many times at Glacier Point in Yosemite, gazed in awe over the the rim of the Grand Canyon, I have stood in the Pacific Ocean, witnessed the birth of my children, and I know my father created these things, yet I still fear? I ask myself, is this fear greater than God Almighty? The God who lives in me? No, but it certainly feels this way right now, and I can't explain it.
I am not frightened easily. As a martial artist, I have stood my ground when the odds were 11 to 2. I have faced the death of both of my folks, lived alone since I was 16, faced the shunning of a religious group which forced me to uproot my family— moments that have defined me and have helped me not to fear, but to trust in the goodness of Lord.
I can clearly see God is with me.
As I ran, I prayed for clarity. Then God answered: I was allowing the fear in. I was giving permission for someone to speak into my life. I was allowing someone to intimidate me whose reputation in dealing with me has only been to cause grief. It was that simple.
The Word says to guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of it flows the wellsprings of life. Diligence is defined as a "constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind."
So my remedy: keep persistent exertion to extinguish, at the threshold of my mind, the verbal and nonverbal voices of this person and the people who do not love me or have my best interest at heart.
I am to bless those who curse me, and pray for those who spitefully use me. But, I don't trust them or allow them to speak into my life.
How did I get to this place? Maybe I need more reminders of how he has led me though my past to keep me from ending up here??
I wonder, after David cut off Goliath's head, if he picked up the stone that felled the Philistine to keep it with him to remind him of that day? I have read he was given his sword. What are some of the things I can use as reminders?
We read later in his life David faced the brother of Goliath and other Gath giants, but he and his warriors killed each of them. Wow, I wonder how he felt when he saw another giant come over the horizon? (Does this story fit in with New Covenant theology?)
Have you had fear that seemed larger than life? What is your story?
